


Patient Number 9

by LovelyTaffyJaeger



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Armin also wants the Levi booty, Armin is a pervert, Armin is a player, Armin wants the Jeager booty, Attempt at Humor, Attempted Sexual Assault, Biting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eren Is a Little Shit, Eventual Smut, First Kisses, Grisha Yeager's Bad Parenting, Groping, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Levi swearing like Levi, M/M, Mental Institutions, Original Character(s), Poor Petra, Possessive Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Rating May Change, Sassy Eren, Self Harm, Sexual Harrassment, Summary will change because I'm an idiot, Tags Are Hard, Tags May Change, The milk is a running joke in this fic okay, angst everywhere, but i don't think levi minds all that much, clingy Armin, dual personalities, eren is kinda clingy, i hate slow builds so no, not by Levi though, poor levi, wow that's a tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-09
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-01-11 18:54:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1176655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovelyTaffyJaeger/pseuds/LovelyTaffyJaeger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi hated Mondays.<br/>He hated Psychiatric wards too. He also hated the fact that he didn't check the date on his milk this morning, because he's been hallucinating all day. He hated the dirty, barefooted brunet brat and his stupid sparkly eyes that couldn't seem to settle on one color. He hated the way his fingers fit in-between the boy's own like pieces of a puzzle. He hated the warmth the boy gave off then they touched, and the way he blushed like the naïve little shit he was. And he definitely hated the way that twig of a boy easily solidified Levi's sexual preference.<br/>Oh yeah.<br/>Can't forget that one other thing. Something about the brat being a genetically engineered weapon of mass destruction and shit?<br/>Yeah, that thing.<br/>Damn, He was so sure that milk still had a week left.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is my very first SNK fic and I'm so excited I could just freakin die!  
> Feedback and comments are very much appreciated. I really suck at summaries, so there may be a point in time when I rewrite it. This is sort of a prologue, so of course it's short as hell. The actual chapters will be much longer,but for now, lets rock this bitch!
> 
> ~Taffy~

It was dark.

It was always dark.

Why was it always dark?

The bed I lay in was hard and uncomfortable on my back, the leather straps that bound and trapped me were tight on my body, and the silver shackles that restrained and confined me were cold and chaffing against my skin. My eyes always strained to see within the ink around me. I couldn’t remember the last time I saw light. Real true light, other than the dim lamp that clicked on with heavy effort whenever mealtime came around. Every bath time was met with difficulty and a tranquilizer gun. Every bathroom break included about 20 guards, a flashlight, extra shackles and a small bucket.

Oh, and don’t forget the tranquilizer gun.

The chains that bound me never left my wrists.

It was dark.

They feared me. I could taste it in the air.

I could feel it on the tip of my tongue, smell it within the dark, and grasp it within my shackled hands.

They feared me, and I knew exactly why.

They feared me, even in my sleep, when I screamed and hollered and _howled_ bloody revenge. When the anger and hatred and fear manifested as growls and hisses. Thrashing about in my sleep, screaming out to hurt, to _kill_ the man who had done this to me. Kill him myself, watch his blood stain my hands, witness the life leave those cruel eyes. They panicked when I managed to snap the leather binding me as I howled out once more for justice, steaming tears streaking down my flushed cheeks, cold titanium shackles snapping taught against my heated skin as I awoke, panting and crying and begging for everything to stop.

Their poor little minds panicked at the hellish yellow glow of my eyes, pulsing wild, feral, and dangerous.

And then of course they brought out the darts.

But I was still raging. I was still festering and burning and rotting away on the inside.

I was still angry, still sad, still afraid, still alone…

Still in the dark.

They poked at me and prodded me. They tried to get inside my broken mess of a mind. I didn’t want that. I wouldn’t allow them to tamper with my personal hell. I resisted. I resisted and they didn’t like that.

But then they gave me her. They gave me Miss Hanji.

She was so utterly confusing. Her bright and uppity voice, her constant chattering to me, and her complete and utter comfort around me. She wasn’t afraid like they were.

And they called her crazy.

I never talk. Not even to her. I want to though. I wanted to feel I could. I wanted to believe I could trust her.

But trust was exactly what had landed me into this dark hell.

And I wanted out. I wanted out now.

_Right now._


	2. Mondays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That’s because Petra is the one relative I don’t want to set on fire and chuck off the fucking Eiffel Tower.” I avoid her eyes, smoothing out my white button-up and I hear Petra chuckle.
> 
> “I’m glad to hear that, Levi.”
> 
> I shove my hands into my pockets and mumble to myself.
> 
> “Whatever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya! I wanted to wait a little longer to update but I just couldn't help it!  
> My gosh, it doesn't take much to get me excited, Thank you all for the kudos, it makes me so giddy!  
> And now...lets get this train moving!
> 
> ~Taffy~

 

I hate Mondays.

The annoying beep of my alarm clock awoke me from the lovely depths of sleep. Swearing under my breath at those damn NCIS marathons, I rolled over and slammed my palm down on the stupid noisemaker. In all of the 32 years I’ve been dicking around on this earth, the one thing that never ceases to thoroughly piss me off are Mondays. And because the universe obviously gets off on making my life a living hell, today is the day I’m scheduled to go see the basket case I have the pleasure of calling my favorite cousin.

I sit up and turn on my table lamp. The one time I meet a relative I don’t want to throw off the side of a building, and she’s admitted to a fucking mental ward. Maybe I’m the mental one for promising to visit.

Mondays. God how I hate Mondays. I’d only been doing this for about a month and I was already sick of this whole ‘visiting’ thing.

I could be a little shit and stay in bed.

Turn off the light, lay down and go back to sleep Levi...

Just...

 “Fucking hell…”

Letting out a sigh, I rolled out of bed and stood up, stretching out my joints. The sound of my cracking bones was disgusting, but it sure as hell felt good. Making my bed, I slipped into the bathroom and started up my shower. I loved the heat that permeated my skin as the scalding water rained down on me. It left my cheeks flushed and my mind clear. But not clear enough to forego my morning coffee. Shutting off the shower and stepping onto the freezing tile, I brushed my teeth and gave my hair a thorough brushing before dressing in a neatly pressed white button-down and black skinny jeans that hugged my ass in all the right places, and headed into the kitchen to get my daily dose of caffeine. I think the milk is still good, and I'm not in the mood for black coffee.

 

 As I walked down the unexciting grey hallways of floor 3, I was accompanied by an irritating nurse with shitty glasses, and two guards that looked as if they ate fucking Miracle-Gro on a daily basis. I silently brooded over the idiot receptionist that made me discard my cup of coffee before entering. It was an unnecessary waste of good coffee. _My_ good coffee. I frowned as I studied the doors we passed by. Not much else to look at in this place other than the five large steel doors we came through on the way here.

How captivating.

Seriously, though, were the patients that bad that they needed _5_ damn doors made of fucking _steel_ for each floor? Unlike the mad houses in those cheesy as hell low budget movies, this place didn’t let their mental patients wander the halls.

Good thing too. I don’t want to see some crazy bastard ambling along the hallways with a larger than life full on shit eating grin on his face, mumbling weird shit I really didn't want to hear.

 Each door had a name plate hanging above it, a patient number displayed on the center of the door, and a small clipboard on the side walls, providing a brief description of the crack case inside each room, along with a keypad to lock and unlock the door. All doors were keypad operated.

The annoying nurse in front of me rambled on excitedly about something with one of the patients in this stupid hellhole, unaware I didn’t give enough of a fuck to listen. Her upbeat attitude made me want to go eat a pack of nails. No wait, scratch that. I want to take the nails and shove them down her throat. But then I might end up in this shitpool of mental fucks. At least in prison my only risk was being gangbanged for having a pretty face. I don’t want some rancid dick shoved up my ass, but I sure as hell don’t want a crazy sticking shit up in places it didn’t belong. I don’t know what these bastards do in their spare time. If they even have spare time. It seems like they stay locked up in their rooms all day. No wonder they’ve all gone insane.

 We stopped in front of my cousin’s room; a dull grey door that looked the same as every other door in this god forsaken place, the only difference being the number 42 on the doorplate. The Nurse stepped up to the keypad and punched in a few numbers, then stepped back as the door slid open.

At least she stopped talking.

I stepped into the room and shivered. It was fucking freezing.

“Oi, Petra. Are you trying to freeze your tits off or something? I might just freeze my own balls off in here.”

I glared at the small blonde chained to her shit-excuse of a bed as she sat up to look at me. Her light hazel eyes weren’t the way I remembered them, and it unsettled me every time I came to visit. They just weren’t right. 

I never found out why she had been admitted to the mental ward. She looks fine to me. Her eyes are just…off. She looks at me with a gentle expression, and I try my best not to look uncomfortable.

 “Hello Levi. I’m sorry if it’s cold in here, the temperature helps me feel normal. I hope it’s not too uncomfortable.” She offers a small, shaky smile.

And then, just like that, I feel like an asshole.

I fixed the sicker on my shirt that gave my name and my relationship as a relative to Petra, checking for wrinkles just to hide my guilt. The nurse began to chat with her, and I took the time to gather my inner thoughts. I was such an asshole. Of course there would be a legitimate reason for it to be so tit freezing cold in here. God curse my insensitive ass.

I looked over to my mentally unwell cousin, currently laughing at something Shitty Glasses had said. This wasn’t her fault. She’s probably miserable in this hellhole and my shitty people skills are sure as hell not helping that.

I suck up my pride and stride as close to the bed as I can before Shitty Glasses has to tell me to back up.

“So, Petra, how has everything been for you?” I wince internally. What a stupid question to ask.

“Everyone here is really nice. I get along with the other patients here during mealtime, and Miss Hanji here never runs out of stories to tell me.” I glance over at the nurse. So that’s her name? I still prefer Shitty Glasses.

She’s looking over at Petra with a hidden fondness that sends a strange pang through my heart. She regards me with large brown eyes and a warm smile.

“I like to tell her about all of the other patients I talk with. She loves hearing about number 9.”

 My socially inept mind is too busy trying to sort out a shitty thank you to hear most of what she says, until she scoops me up in a crushing hug.

“It’s so sweet to see such a grumpy looking man like you coming so diligently to see your cousin! It contradicts your outwards looking appearance, you know.”

I shoot her a glare as she sets me down.

“That’s because Petra is the one relative I don’t want to set on fire and chuck off the fucking Eiffel Tower.” I avoid her eyes, smoothing out my white button-up and I hear Petra chuckle.

“I’m glad to hear that, Levi.”

I shove my hands into my pockets and mumble to myself.

“Whatever.”

 Two mildy tolerable hours go by, surprisingly fast, and then when one of the guards on Miracle-Gro comes in and announces visiting hours to be over, I allow myself a small smile.

Said smile is completely shattered when red lights in the halls start to flash and a shrill alarm begins its bloody screeching.

All right Universe, the moment my _Monday_ of all things, turns out less shitty than usual, you decide to throw something fucked up at me just to be a dick. What could possibly be worse than what you’ve done to me in the past?

A message sounds over the intercom:

 

“ **ATTENTION ALL PERSONEL, THIS IS A CLASS 1 RED ALERT. FACILITY GOING ON LOCKDOWN IN 1 MINUTE. FACILITY GOING ON LOCKDOWN IN ONE MINUTE. ALL GUARDS ARE TO BE ON POST IMEDIATELY TO AWAIT FURTHER INSTRUCTION.  THIS IS NOT A DRILL. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. THIS IS A CLASS 1 RED ALERT. FACILITY GOING ON LOCKDOWN IN 1 MINUTE. FACILITY GOING ON LOCKDOWN IN 1 MINUTE.”**

…I hate Mondays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was pretty easy to write, and for that I am happy. Keep the goodness coming my kiddies! The next chapter should come sometime around next week.  
> Comments and feedback are always appreciated!
> 
> ~Taffy~


	3. Bright Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m shit at description, so my crap interpretation of “blue green” did no justice to the actual color. It was like, green and blue got together and made a million dollar porno.  
> Best line of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Instead of suffering from writers block silently in a corner, I went ahead and began planning more chapters out. This chapter went through several rewrites, and I didn't feel like bothering my beta with another draft, so I left this one un-beta'd  
> *hides in corner*  
> don't look at me *throws chapter at you*  
> Just take it! 
> 
> Taffy~

 

"Oh hell no." Fuck you universe. Seriously. Go sit on a motherfucking thumbtack and spin.

The past two mildly pleasant hours were forgotten in an instant as I covered my ears and swore loudly in French.

“What the hell is this?!” I spun around and glared at the shitty nurse. Hanji was staring off into space with a look of horror on her face.

“Oi! What the hell-”

She turned to me, and my eyes widened at the teardrops forming in her eyes.

“Was my friendship not enough?” she whimpered. I could barely hear her over the loudness of the alarm.

I glanced over at my cousin, and was instantly reminded of the reason why I got out of bed at 7:00 in the morning every other Monday to drive here.

_I watched my 4 year old cousin crawl under the food table, pink chiffon dress disappearing under the ecru cloth. She was the only one who hadn’t pestered me the moment I got here, with this stupid party for stupid pig headed adults who think they run this stupid world. (Mother says I'm not allowed to use the word fuck, because it's reserved for big people.)_

_I grabbed some napkins off the table, and almost tipped the punch bowl over because I couldn’t see. I crawled under the tablecloth, the napkins on my hands and knees shielding me from the filth on the floor._ _The girl_ _was in a panic, hands over her ears, amber eyes wide._

 _The music must have been too loud for her. I was only 7, so I didn’t realize she had been having a panic attack._ _I_ _pulled her into a hug, putting my hands over her own to help block out the noise a little better._

_“Is that better, brat?”_

_She didn’t say anything, but her shaking had subsided so I assumed it must have worked._

Petra was in a panic, hands over her ears, amber eyes wide. I walked over to her, sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her into a hug, putting my hands over her own to help block out the noise a little better.

“I don’t know what the hell is going on, but I’m not going to leave you alone, alright?”

When she didn’t respond, I assumed that my method must have worked.

“Oi, Hanji, if you know anything about what’s happening, you should tell us!” I shouted over the alarm.

She looked over at me.

“I’m not allowed to tell you.”

“Seriously?”

“I’m to escort you through the emergency passageways to the safe room.”

“What about Petra?” I looked down at the trembling girl in my arms.

“Petra isn’t allowed to leave this room.”

I felt her tense under me, and I entwined my fingers with hers, stroking her hair with my right hand.

“Someone has to stay with her,” I started.

“I have to escort _you_ and only _you_. I understand you don’t want to leave her but…it’s standard protocol. She’s a patient here. She doesn’t leave the room unless scheduled to do so.”

I huffed in irritation.

"I'm not so sure you quite understand the words coming from my mouth," I began." Clean the stupid out of your ears and maybe people will want to actually have a conversation with you. I can navigate just fine by myself. I’ll make it to whatever this Safe Room is. But Petra needs someone here with her.”

“It’s for your own safety. I can’t really do anything about that.” The nurse tried.

I stood up and placed a light kiss to her forehead, before walking towards the door where the nurse stood.

“Well I sure as hell can.” I went to step around her but she moved with me. How annoying.

She looked down at me through her shitty goggle glasses, and I swear for a second I thought I saw a hint of understanding in her eyes, before it was replaced with a stoic, impressively professional demeanor.

 I looked her dead in the eye. “Move.”

“No.”

Her tone didn’t say “ _You can’t pass.”_

It said, _“If you can pass, I’ll stay.”_

Alright then. I can play this game too.

5 minutes later I was running through the corridors with Petra's wails echoing behind me. I won't lie; I did feel a little shitty, but it was better than leaving her completely alone or stressing her out by staying and arguing with the nurse. Damn, all these hallways were the same…

“Where the fuck are the stairs?!” I cursed under my breath.

The constant echoing of the shitty alarm was giving me a migraine. It's not like I could actually get out now, let alone find the Safe Room, but I was lost, and I wasn’t about to acknowledge that fact. I wanted to go back to Petra, but The shitty nurse would give me too many problems and that would only worsen my cousin's panic.

Trying and failing to ignore the constant ringing, I took notice of something else. As I ran, I felt something trickle down the back of my neck. “What the-”

No.

Oh _god_ no.

Fucking gross.

I was _sweating._

Turning the corner, the universe pointed and laughed at me for the third time that day when something ridiculously hard collided with me and sent me sprawling.

I actually landed on the floor.

I landed hard on my ass, and I’m pretty sure I sustained some sort of concussion and some minor internal bleeding within my brain. Rubbing my head, I opened my eyes to find the culprit of my suffering. A fucking _kid._

The brat sat on his ass, eyes screwed shut and teeth clenched in obvious pain as he rubbed his forehead with tanned hands. I could see some odd red marks on his wrist where the long sleeves of his shirt rode up. His messy chocolate hair was splayed in all directions, as if he’d been through some sort of freak windstorm on his way down the hall. His white button up was wrinkled beyond belief, faded in some way, and his black pants looked dusty, somehow.

He wasn’t wearing shoes.

I chose not to acknowledge that.

He must have either been sprinting or his head was made of steel, because I swear I could feel a huge bruise forming on my forehead. This was ridiculous.

Not a single thing in my mind acknowledged the thought that it might have been my fault.

“Oi, brat. I think you gave me a concussion. Why don’t you rub what few brain cells you have together next time, and see if it gives you the common sense to watch where you’re fucking going?”

His head whipped up so fast I actually feared it might snap.

That would be a horribly unnecessary mess. I despise pointless deaths.

The last thing I expected though was for my breath to be stolen away when he finally opened his eyes.

They were fucking gorgeous.

That was the cheesiest, shittiest, fucked up cliché moment of my life.

 

In all my 32 years of dicking around on this earth, I’ve never seen a pair of eyes so beautiful.

I’m shit at description, so my crap interpretation of “blue green” did no justice to the actual color. It was like; green and blue got together and made a million dollar porno.

Best line of the night.

They were open wide in shock and fear, and for a moment I thought the color was a trick of the light because his pupils had shrunken so painfully small that I couldn’t even tell what color they should have been.

He stuttered like his life depended on it.

“O-oh um…I-I’m s-sorry I-”

“Oi. Calm down you stupid brat. I’m not going to hit you or anything.” I cut him off.

Though I should for the brain hemorrhage I’ll probably get within the next few minutes.

I watched a little too closely (though I would never admit it) as his pupils returned to a sane size, revealing that million dollar mash up.

No, not even blue.

Bright turquoise sprinkled with sea green and gold flecks.

The boy continued to stutter as I stood up and dusted myself off. My shirt was wrinkled now.

“Well, are you going to get up or do you enjoy sitting on filthy floors?” I did something I don’t normally do. I held out a hand to help him up, and he looked at it like it would rip his face off. Instead, he leaned against the wall and pulled his knees up to his chest.

“Fine then. Stay there.”

I wasn’t sure where I was even going to go, but one thing was for sure, going back to Petra’s room was not an option. I nervously clicked the barbell piercing in my tongue against my teeth.

I felt a heavy frown pulling at my features. Was that nurse still there with her? She wasn’t all alone was she? Was she alright?

I was pulled from my thoughts as something grabbed a hold of my pant leg, causing me to nearly trip and fall on my face.

I turned and looked down at a tan hand grasping my leg for dear life. I shifted my gaze to meet his, but he immediately looked away.

“What do you want?” my words came out a little more irritated then I had intended and he released his grip and looked down.

I silently cursed his messy brown locks as they covered his eyes.

“Oi, brat. You have my attention now. Look at me.”

The kid still didn’t look up. He instead mumbled something under his breath.

I hate mumbling.

“Hey, you little shit. Look at me when I speak to you. Don’t mumble. Open your fucking mouth and speak.” This was starting to irritate me.

“Not…a brat…” he spoke up a little louder.

“Sory _brat_ , but any kid under the age of 18 is a brat in my book.” I spat.

“I’m 17.”

“My point exactly.”

A small whine escaped the teen, and I couldn’t help but find it cute.

He kept his head down, seemingly thinking something through.

The poor thing might have an aneurism if he thought too hard.

“May I..." He cleared his throat. "May I ask you something?” He finally looked up, and I was rewarded once more with those amazing eyes; wide and expressive, shining with apprehension, curiosity, and fear. He spoke with a voice that sounded as if it hadn’t been used much. I’m not sure when it did, but while we were talking, the alarm shut itself off, but the emergency lights were still on.

Petra should be fine now that the noise has gone down.

“I might have an answer to give, assuming the question you ask won’t be stupid.”

He seemed to mull over his words before choosing to speak.

“... Do you know the way out of here?” his words were slow and cautious, as if saying the wrong thing would shatter the world around us. The way he phrased that sentence rubbed me the wrong way, and I felt as if there was something I was supposed to get, but nothing was clicking in my mind.

I chose my next words carefully.

“Well, I was headed towards something called the Safe Room before you came around that corner like a city bus and body slammed me to the ground.”

Well, maybe not so carefully. My head still hurt like a bitch.

“The nurse wouldn’t tell me what was going on with the alarm, and I didn’t want to leave my cousin in the room by herself, so I came alone.”

He didn’t speak up, so I took it as an invitation to keep talking.

“She’s one of the patients in the ward."

“Can I go with you?" his voice sounded too hopeful.

Something told me to say no.

Say no.

Say no.

Say no goddamnit-

“Fine, but that doesn’t mean you get to talk my ear off.”

He perked up.

“And I swear to god if you drag your damn feet I’m throwing you down the stairs.”

His expression turned fearful, and there was something in his eyes I couldn’t quite place as his expression darkened.

“Cruel…” he muttered.

“Tch. Get used to it, shitty brat. I’m not going to sensor myself just because you don’t know the meaning of sarcasm.”

“That was sarcastic?” his expression shifted to incredulity.

“Yes, fucknut. Now get your ass up off the filthy floor.”

“I have a name.”

“I didn’t ask for it.”

“Are you always this angry?”

“I am when stupid brats crash into me and knock me on my ass.”

“My bad. Are you alright now?” He sounded genuinely concerned.

“It’s probably just a bruise,” I ran a finger over the slight bump on my forehead and winced. “Your head is like a fucking brick.”

I think he chuckled, but it was too low for me to hear.

“My name is Eren.” he stood up, dusting himself off and blowing his slightly tangled hair out of his eyes, and I noticed for the first time just how long his legs were.

The little shit was taller than me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *whispers* please forgive meee


	4. Dirty Feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Okay,” I stopped and turned to look at him, before motioning with a hand down at his bare feet. “What the hell is this?”  
> He looked down at his feet and wiggled his toes.  
> “What?”  
> “Where the fuck are your shoes?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!!!! I'm back! my Beta theflowerprincesleeps gave me the okay to post chapter 4!  
> I hope you guys like this, more interaction with My two babies. next chapter expect more background on Petra! but until then, lets get this going!  
> ~Taffy

 

Standing up and dusting himself off, he at least had the decency to attempt to smooth out his wrinkled white button up.

It didn’t do much to help.

Though honestly, I was more focused on the fact that he was a full head taller than me.

Seriously, what the hell? I was 5’2’. He looked to be at least 5’8’ and it was pissing me off. Not that I find people who are often shorter than me.

And by people I mean actual adults and not elementary kids.

He looked _down_ at me.

“Levi, let’s get going, yes?” he squinted at me a little.

“How did you-”

“Nametag.” He pointed to the sticker beginning to peel off my shirt.

“Oh.” I ripped it off and folded it, sticking it in my back pocket before running a hand through my hair. Out of habit, I clicked the barbell piercing against my teeth again.

“Alright, well, I guess we should start moving.”

We started walking back in the direction Eren had come running from, choosing to take a right at the next hall. As we walked, I made no effort not to hide my disgust as his feet made a squishing noise on the floor with each step he took.

“Okay,” I stopped and turned to look at him, before motioning with a hand down at his bare feet. “What the hell is this?”

He looked down at his feet and wiggled his toes.

“What?”

“Where the fuck are your shoes?”

He seemed to contemplate this for a second, as if he was scanning through a list of possible idiotic answers that he could give.

“Is there a law that states I have to wear shoes all the time?” He asked me.

“No, but there’s this unspoken law called etiquette. It’s not everyday you wake up and decide, ‘you know what, fuck everything, I’m going to go without shoes today.’ Besides, the floor is filthy. Why the hell would you want to walk barefoot all day? That’s disgusting.” I glared at his toes.

“Sorry that this bothers you so much.” He snorted.

“Didn’t your parents teach you how to dress properly?” I shot back.

The kid went completely rigid.

His eyes diverted themselves to anything but me as a shadow seems to cross his now unreadable face. He looks down at the ground, messy brown hair obscuring his face.

I’m silently thankful that I can’t see his intensely expressive eyes. Suddenly I felt like shit, poking my nose in business that wasn’t mine. I make a shitty attempt to steer the conversation to something safer.

“Eren…” I started.

He tilts his head up slightly at the mention of his name.

“I didn’t realize it was a touchy subject. It doesn’t really matter if you wear shoes or not. Your feet are going to be dirty anyways.”

Good going. I suck at this. I mentally kick myself and try again.

“What I mean to say is-”

He cuts me off.

“It’s fine. Just leave it.” He takes a deep breath and lifts his head up fully. I see his face, and I notice the gold flecks in his eyes are slightly more prominent than before. His expression is clouded.

“Let’s go.”

 

I push the squelching of his feet out of my mind as we continue to walk.

I glance over at the now quiet teen; almost feeling guilty, before I notice his walking pattern has been off for the past few minutes. He’s been taking uncomfortably slow strides that I now realize are to accommodate my own. I scoff and pick up my pace, I’m not a little kid he needs to slow down and wait for. He looks surprised at my increase of speed and his gait changes to something more natural than before.

 “Levi, you don’t have to walk so fast, I don’t mind slowing down.” He speaks up.

I decide that I like the way my name sounds on his lips, and file that away in my mind to sort out later.

“I’m 32 years old. I don’t need some kid slowing down for me just because he’s the Jolly fucking Green Giant.” Granted, he was probably of average height, but fuck that, he looked giant to me.

I slow down and turn around when I hear a lack of sweaty footsteps. He’s stopped in his tracks, large eyes wide, and mouth hanging open in a small ‘o’.

“What? Is there something on my face?” I ask.

“I thought you were at least 23 or something…you…you’re 32?!” he exclaimed, a light blush dusting his cheeks.

“You look so young…” he scratches the back of his head.

“You aren’t the first one to say that,” I snort.

“32…wow…that’s amazing.” There’s a look of awe in his eye.

“Take a picture. It’ll last longer.”

The boy goes even redder, if that’s even possible.

“It’s just…I honestly thought...” he trails off as we get to a fork in the hall.

I make to go to the right, but he calls out for me to stop and I turn to look back at him.

“What? Let’s go this way.”

He looks apprehensive again.

“How about we go left instead? We made a right last time.” He suggests.

“There’s nothing wrong with going right again,” I state, and turn to walk that way.

“No…let’s just go left.”

I scoff.

“Why can’t we go that way? It’s probably just another hallway, so it shouldn’t even matter.” I eye him up and down.

“I just think…I’ve already been down this hall. Remember, I came running from this direction. I know where we are.”

With the amount of twists and turns we’d made since starting our little trekking expedition, I didn’t acknowledge the fact that we were still walking in the direction he came running from.

Why had he been running in the first place?

Oh right, the alarm. I wonder how he was able to get out without an escort.

“If you knew were we were,” I started slowly.

“Then why the hell didn’t you say something?” I glared at him in irritation.

“I didn’t say I knew where we were going; I just said I knew where we were. That’s just another hallway. I came down that hallway when the alarm went off.” He explains pointing slowly to the right.

I could feel my eye twitch.

“That means we’re going nowhere.” I deadpan.

“If this is the hallway you came down, then we’re no closer to getting to where we need to go than when we started. This place is so fucking huge.”

“Let’s just go left then. There isn’t much we can do about it now.”

I sigh and we turn left down the hallway, only because I’m too tired to argue at this point.

I’m too stressed about Petra and getting out of here that I really don’t give the change in direction any thought.

Maybe if I had turned right, kept walking and made another right, I would have seen the blood on the walls and the 4 large steel doors with gaping holes in them.

I would have seen the bodies that had been ripped apart and strewn across the pale tile floor.

Maybe if I had gone right, I would have realized the reason he hadn’t been wearing shoes in the first place.

I would have realized the reason why he and I were the only two roaming the halls.

If I had gone right, maybe I would have seen these things, and he would have killed me.

But I didn’t go right.

I went left. Completely oblivious, I went left.

 

 

This was completely ridiculous.

There hasn’t been an announcement on anything else since the first one that ruined my day. It seems really odd, but I’m too tired to really care about it. I don’t even know what time it is, considering I had to relinquish my phone, my watch, and all of my piercings, except for the one on my tongue, which I click impatiently against the back of my teeth.

We’ve been walking for over half an hour in actual time, but it feels like days.

It seems that though I usually prefer peace and quiet, the silence was suffocating me.

I look at the patient doors as we pass by, all consistent in every way but the patient behind each one. The steel grey doors look cold. Each name engraved into the brass plaque that hung suspended over each threshold held a different story. All were locked by a keypad system. My tired mind registered that these weren’t just mental cases. They were all like Petra.

They were all locked away from the normalcy of society, Because they were blemishes on the clusterfuck that was our law.

Thinking hurts.

“So, brat,” I start.

He tilts his head in acknowledgement, keeping his eyes forward.

“What brought you here in the first place?” I ask.

He seemed to have been expecting the question, and responds with a simple,

“My sister was admitted here.”

I didn’t know it was a lie.

I gave a knowing nod and try to keep the conversation alive.

“Do you visit her often?”

“Yes.”

“What is she like?”

“Cold.”

I flinch internally at his short answers. I thought I was the only one around here who could be an asshole to the world. Everything with him seems to be some sort of a minefield. I can tell he really doesn’t want to talk anymore, but I’ll be damned if I have to be forced to walk in silence.

“What does she look like?”

“…Mikasa was beautiful.” That’s all he says before his face shifts into an expression that says this conversation is now over.

Shitty brat, telling me what to do.

I catch on to the word “was.”

What did he mean “was?” What kind of illness did she have? Did he mean she used to be fine before she came here? Was she born with a mental illness or had she developed something? God, now I had so many questions to ask, and the silence was killing me.

I was tired of studying the doors and being reminded of what Petra could possibly be doing at the moment.

She was one of the only friends I ever had, and even though I really didn’t want to admit it, she was very dear to me, and I worried constantly over her.

She was attached to me at the hip, and I could tell she felt anxiety when away from me, because of how long she drew out our goodbyes, and how awful she always looked when she came to visit. Bags under her eyes and a disheveled appearance. For the longest time I was convinced she had some sort of cousin complex, or maybe even a crush on me. I think it had something to do with the reason she was here in the first place, because of her mental illnesses, but this place was a high security mental facility, whatever she had done to get in here was more than most. No one ever told me what she had done, her papers only gave the mental illnesses she was diagnosed with, not the reason she was in here.

Truth be told, I was actually afraid to ask her. I didn’t want to upset her.

But then again, maybe I just didn’t want to know the truth.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when Eren gave an excited yelp and I looked up to see him take off in a fast sprint down the hall.

When I looked up to see where he was going, I held back an immense sigh of relief at the stairway sign hanging beside the small door at the end of this endless hallway.

“Oi, brat! Don’t run! You’ll damage the door if you run into it!” I called after him. I picked up my pace, but refused to even jog.

He was still running.

“Oi! Slow the fuck down!”

He didn’t stop until it was too late, trying to slide to a stop.

His sweaty feet stuck to the floor and he tripped over himself, past the door and slammed head first into the wall.

Idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor baby ran into a wall. I couldn't resist.


	5. The Same Strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hell no. My people skills are shit.”  
> “You’re hopeless.”  
> “But you put up with me.”  
> “Because I love you!”  
> “Yeah okay sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyy! I'm glad I can post this on the first of June! Now I know some of you are probably wondering what Petra got in the ward for, but hey, you don't really need to know that right now do you? Of course not! Lets get this train moving!
> 
> ~Taffy~

 

 

When I was little, Petra used to visit me a lot. She would come over to our house with her exasperated parents in tow, seek me out and stick to me like fucking superglue. My mother would happily welcome them in, claiming that it was good for me to have some social interaction.

 

As if I didn’t know she was calling me a hermit.

 

Petra was a gentle soul; she was timid and didn’t do much to annoy me. She was clingy as fuck though, and she stayed with me no matter what I did or how bad my personality or my habits were. She was just there.

 

When she was 8:

“Ravioliii!”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Fine. Leviiiii!”

“What?”

“Come downstairs with me!”

“Go down by yourself.”

“But then I won’t be with you!”

“Just go.”

“No! I’ll stay with you!”

She stayed.

 

 

When she was 12:

“Levi!!”

“What is it Petra?”

“Come downstairs with me!”

“Not now. I’m doing homework.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“Then I’ll stay with you.”

“Petra-”

“No! I’ll stay with you!”

She stayed.

 

When she was 15:

“Levi!”

“Oh my god what?”

“I love you.”

“Alright.”

“Come to the park with me?”

“Seriously?”

“Please?”

“Fine.”

We went.

 

When she was 18:

“I’m not going.”

“Petra you have to go.”

“Not unless you go.”

“I’ve already finished college.”

“But I…Don’t want to be alone.”

“Will you go if I promise to visit?”

“Every day?”

“Every Sunday.”

“But then I won’t see you all week!”

“You’ll see me on Sunday.”

“Levi?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

“You love me too, right?”

“Tch. Don’t be stupid.”

She went. I visited.

 

When she was 21:

 

“Levi!”

“Yeah?”

“Go drinking with me!”

“I don’t drink.”

“Please?”

“Fine.”

We drank. I had wine.

 

When she was drunk:

“Ravioliiii!”

“Petra, you’re drunk as fuck.”

“Don’t ever leave me.”

“I’m not leaving a wasted chick in a bar on a Sunday night.”

“No, I mean ever. I want you to stay with me forever.”

“Of course I will.”

“Levi?”

“Yes Petra?”

“I love you.”

“Get in the car.”

I took her home.

 

When she was 24:

“Levi?”

“Yeah?”

“We should open up a business together.”

“But I hate people.”

“That’s aright.”

“But I hate people.”

“Come on Levi.”

“Hell no. My people skills are shit.”

“You’re hopeless.”

“But you put up with me.”

“Because I love you!”

“Yeah okay sure.”

We never did.

 

“When she turned 28:

“Levi!”

“Yeah?”

“They’re going to take me away.”

“What?”

“The men in the white coats.”

“What are you taking about?”

“I did something.”

“Petra, you aren’t making any sense.”

“I didn’t mean to do it! I didn’t…”

“Calm down Petra. Petra calm down!”

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean it, it was an accident!”

“Calm the fuck down! Just calm down okay?”

“I cause you so much trouble.”

“That’s not true Petra.”

“I love you Levi.”

“I love you too.”

“Really?!”

“Don’t be stupid.”

 

They took her.

 

 

Now she’s gone. The men in their shitty white coats locked her away from society. Looking at the brat sprawled out on the floor; I can’t help but see Petra in him. I see her in his eyes. I can tell he used to be that way. But for some reason, that spark is gone.

 

“Oi. Get your ass off the floor. I told you to stop didn’t I?”

He groaned.

“Stupid kid.”

I walk over to him and nudge his side with my shoe. He curls up into a ball, holds his head and hisses in pain.

“Now you know what it feels like to be hit by a train.”

He sits up and rubs his head, and again, I notice the fading red marks on his wrists. I don’t bring it up.

He looks like he’s expecting me to say something. Great.

“Are you alright?” I ask sarcastically.

“No.”

“Great. Let’s move.” I hold my hand out for the second time today to help him up, and he stares at it like it’s some sort of foreign object. He instead opts to help himself up.

Well then.

He dusts himself off and attempts to act as if that never happened. We both turn our heads to the stairwell sign next to the door.

“Fucking finally. Now let’s head down to the first floor. The safe room should be there somewhere.”

I step forward and push the door open with a loud click, and cool air rushes into my face.

It’s dark, and the green emergency lights are our only real illumination. We ascend the steps to the second floor in silence.

I click the barbell piercing against my teeth.

He looked at me out of the corner of his eyes.

“What?”

“Why do you keep doing that?”

“Doing what?”

There’s something metal in your mouth. You keep clicking it against you teeth.”

How did he…

“What?”

“Something metal.”

“It’s my tongue piercing.” I snort.

“Oh. Okay.” He looks down and keeps walking.

How did he even hear that? Our footsteps aren’t exactly quiet. What was he? Superman? My train of thought is broken and I let out a small sigh when I see the door marking the first floor entrance. I walk up to it and open it first-

And see darkness.

“Its dark…” the kid whispers beside me.

“What the- I can’t see shit!”

The entire first floor is pitch black, the only light coming from the dim green emergency bulbs lining the stairwell. Assuming the glass must have been reinforced with steel paneling at the time of the alarm going off, so obviously no light would get through that.

No people either.

“How in the hell are we supposed to navigate through here if we can’t even see an inch in front of us?”

“I can.”

“What?” I looked over at him. He must be joking.

“I said I can.”

“Kid, it’s fucking dark.”

“But I can see.”

“No you can’t.”

“Yes I can.”

“How? How the fuck can you see?”

“I just can.”

“I’m not following a fucking brat into this dark as hell floor.” I huff, crossing my arms like a child.

“It’s alright,” he says.

“I’m used to the dark.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Eren bby. He does have a phobia of the dark. but he lives with it like everything else. I put so much shit on hm. (Add supper awesome hearing to his list of inhuman traits now)


	6. Patience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were a dark and smoldering gunmetal grey, like the stormy skies I used to love to sit outside and look at before Hell welcomed me with open arms, grabbed me when I tried to run, and never ever let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sneaks in*  
> Hiii everyone! I am happy to present my newest chapter of Patient Number 9! and oh....what's this? It's Eren's point of view?! *gasps* I had no idea. Enjoy!  
>  ~Taffy~

  

It is dark.

I turn to look at the man behind me. It shouldn’t really matter if he follows. I don’t care. I just need to get out of here. I should have just gotten up and left after I bumped into him, and continued on by myself. This was dangerous enough as it was.

I could get caught and sent back into true darkness.

True darkness was the absence of light mixed with the feeling of hopelessness and abandonment, true darkness was the hatred and the fear in my heart for the man who had done this to me, and the uneasy feeling that someone was always watching me.

Because someone always was.

It took the form of the dried tears that stained my shitty excuse for a bed, the shreds of sanity that struggled to cling to my being, and the silver shackles that thickened every time I had a nightmare.

True darkness was my life.

The darkness on the first floor couldn’t even attempt to compare to it.

The man that walked with me was crude and talkative, though his face gave off the impression that he didn’t give a shit about anything.

The vague memory of snapping titanium, screaming and the sound of the alarm resurfaces within my memories.Waking up with hands covered in blood that wasn’t mine wasn’t a very pleasant experience.

He wasn’t afraid of me after I bumped into him with strength that obviously didn’t fit someone of my age and size.

He seemed more annoyed with me because he’d ended up on the floor.

Actually, he seemed annoyed general.

 

_“Oi, brat. I think you gave me a concussion. Why don’t you rub what few brain cells you have together next time, and see if it gives you the common sense to watch where you’re fucking going?”_

Very rude too.

But then he offered to help me up and that confused me. I hadn’t ever been offered…or given any type of remotely friendly physical contact by anyone other than Hanji in years, and this midget of a man offered his hand to me like it was common courtesy.

_“Oi, brat. You call that fucking clean? Do it again.”_

His insults were familiar. The words were familiar.

He was familiar.

Is that why I asked him for a way to the exit? Is that why I didn’t snap when he touched on sensitive subjects that made me ache on the inside?

_“Didn’t your parents teach you how to dress properly?”_

Why did I answer questions I knew were personal?

_“Do you visit her often?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“What is she like?”_

_“Cold.”_

But I had expected him to be as such, so a quick lie about my sister being admitted here did the trick.

I didn’t know where she was really. I didn’t even know if she was alive or dead. After my father betrayed me and sent me into this torturous hell I now called my life, I lost all contact with her.

But of course I wouldn’t tell him that. I didn’t understand why I talked to him in the first place. I hadn’t spoken any rational words other than the screams of vengeance and justice I swear to achieve in my nightmares in years.

I hadn’t even spoken to Hanji, who was always so very kind to me, sneaking me extra blankets when it got cold, telling me stories as she took my vitals, calling me Eren instead of Monster, Creature, Thing.

Maybe it was because I knew she wouldn’t set me free.

Maybe it was because I was still too scared of what they could do to me.

Or maybe I simply couldn’t bring my self to trust her.

After all that, the moment I lay my eyes on him I stuttered like a fool.

Oh god, those _eyes…_

_“O-oh um…I-I’m s-sorry I-”_

_“Oi. Calm down you stupid brat. I’m not going to hit you or anything.”_

They were a dark and smoldering gunmetal grey, like the stormy skies I used to love to sit outside and look at before Hell welcomed me with open arms, grabbed me when I tried to run, and never ever let go.

They were beautiful but cold, closed off to the world.

They were hauntingly familiar.

Walking into the darkness of the first floor was easy; I could see everything in front of me with clarity.

“Levi,” I started.

“What? Run into something already?” he deadpanned.

I just can’t resist making a jab at his height.

“No, you midget, if you want to get through here without running headfirst into the counter, follow me.” Was I poking fun at him? I don’t do that.

I never do that.

“There’s absolutely no way you can see in the fucking dark.”

“I don’t care what you think,” I seethed, “Get your ass over here or navigate this floor by yourself.”

This guy was pissing me off. Though I didn’t understand why I didn’t just leave him.

_“Or snap his neck,”_ a hidden part of me whispered.

“Oi, watch your fucking mouth you shitty brat.” He shot back, obviously irritated.

“At least I’m not under 5 feet, you damn chibi.” why did I do this?

“I’m 5'2'', you stupid fucking giant, what are you, 8 feet or something?”

I stepped out of the darkness and back into the dim light of the stairwell.

I noticed his eyes widen slightly.

I grabbed his hand and dragged him with me.

“Hey! What the hell, let me go you little shitstain!”

He pulled against my grip, and was stronger than I thought he would be, but I wasn’t human, and neither was my strength.

Without the support of a body holding the door open, it shut with a loud click, putting the entire floor in complete darkness.

Levi jumped, and I could feel the panic emanating off his body.

Panic and I were familiar with each other.

Panic always emanated from the monsters that had to replace the silver chains I broke free of during my nightmares.

Reinforce them.

Strengthen them.

It emanated off the staff that had to restrain me, sedate me, feed me, bathe me and clothe me.It stemmed from everyone.

His was different.

It reminded me of the days when the darkness suffocated me, when I felt so utterly alone. When I felt _his_ presence within the building.

His panic was not out of fear of me, but of fear of something else.

I could feel and hear his blood pumping through his body; I could hear and his heart rate begin to speed up. I tightened my grip and kept walking, maneuvering around the front desk and the small potted plant beside it.

“Let the fuck go of me!” he pulled again, trying to turn and run back into the dim light inside the stairwell.

“Stop whining like a 5 year old. What? You afraid of the dark or something?”

“Yes! Very much so!”

I stopped. His voice had changed into something pained.

I turned to look at him, watching his facial expression shift to one of unease.

I couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’re afraid of this? How cute.” I snorted.

I sensed his blood heating up.

“That’s not even remotely funny you jackass.”

I stopped laughing and looked him dead in the eye. I knew he could feel it when I looked at him.

He shivered.

“This isn’t the dark. I’ve been in the dark.” I tightened my grip on his hand and kept walking.

_“Eren, you jackass! That’s not even remotely funny!”_

_“Humanity’s strongest is afraid of the dark? How adorable!”_

_Seriously, that’s the last time I tell you anything.”_

Levi stayed quiet after that. I could hear the blood slowing down in his body, his pulse was returning to normal.

But his blood hadn’t cooled one bit.

I was curious as to why, but I couldn’t’ just say ‘Hey, your blood feels hotter than it should be. Care to explain why?’

It’s not like he would know.

Hell, even if he did, he would probably stare at me like I was some sort of freak.

Which I am, but that’s beside the point. I get to thinking.

The windows.

I could break through them if I wanted. The steel wouldn’t hold under my strength. I know I could do it. I just know I could.

I could be free.

But something was nagging at the back of my head. Something told me it wasn’t safe to go outside yet.

Not yet.

There were things I still needed to know. I hadn’t seen the sun in 10 years. I hadn’t been outside in 10 years. What would I even do once I got out? I know I’d be hunted for the rest of my life-

“Hey, Eren.” Levi’s smooth voice broke my train of thought.

“What?”

“I don’t know if it’s just me getting old, but…” he trailed off awkwardly.

“But what?” I stopped to look at him. I noticed his eyes widen again and he shook his head a little.

“Nothing. I’m just stupid.”

His heart rate had sped up again.

“Whatever.” I kept walking, sure to keep a tight grip on Levi’s hand as I led him through the darkened hallways of floor 1.

I saw a sign that stated the Cafeteria was left and the Safe Room was to the right.

I paused.

The Safe Room was bound to have guards in it.

“Oi, kid, what did you stop for? Ready to admit that you can’t see shit?”

This damn chibi.

“No.”

Does the cafeteria have people in it? I hope not.

We turn left.

We walk in silence.

Every sound that isn’t caused by us makes him tense. The uneasiness that surrounds his small frame is overpowering to my senses. His heartbeat is irregular and his blood is hot.

I realize now that it isn’t exactly the dark he’s afraid of, but what lies in the dark.

I know that feeling well. I’ve dealt with it before.

“What is it with you and turning left?” Anxious to take his mind off his fear I’m guessing, the short man breaks the silence.

“The sign said so this time.”

_And last time, if I had turned right, I would have had to kill you._

_Because you would have found out what I really am._

_I…I don’t want that._

“Last time I already told you, I’d been down that hall before and right was the way I’d come running from.”

“Why were you running?” Fuck. This damn _chibi_ and his nosy tendencies.

“Why were _you_ running?”

“Fuck you.”

“Likewise, Levi.”

_“Geez brat. Stop fucking running into me! Why were you running in the hall in the first place?”_

_“I don’t know. Why were you standing in my path?”_

_“Fuck you.”_

_“Likewise, Corporal.”_

“Where were you at before you started running?” he began again.

Damnit, he never stops.

“Where were _you_?” I retaliated.

“Stop answering my questions with more fucking questions.”

“Stop asking questions that allow me to answer with more questions then.”

“Fuck you,” he spat.

“You already said that.”

I’m not sure, but I think I smiled.

This is the most I’ve talked with anyone in over 10 years. This is the most I’ve teased and bantered with someone in over 10 years. This is the most fun I’ve had in over 10 years.

_“The fun will end when he finds out what you are,”_ a hidden part of me whispers.

But he won’t find out.

He can’t find out.

Or that spark of contentment I feel right now will disappear, and the remaining pieces of my sanity will go with it.

We walk in a very comfortable silence after that playful banter.

We walk in the darkness until I see light. Light emanating form two large double doors at the end of this long hall.

The Cafeteria.

Oh shit, there are people there. People there who will find me and report me and I’ll get locked away again. Back into the darkness.

I can’t turn and walk in the other direction because I know Levi has seen it.

Hs pulse has sped up, and his heart is pounding. I can feel the excitement rolling off him in waves.

Ah, yes. Fear of the dark.

Now Levi is taking the lead; he’s pulling me along with him, running towards the light. I’m afraid now.

I can’t come up with an excuse for turning and running when we’re so close to the ‘Safe Room.’

He’ll find out that I led him in the wrong direction the entire time on purpose, that the pause I made was to go here instead of where we really needed to go.

Where he really needed to go.

I told him I could see in the dark and he trusted me to guide him.

There will be people there who know I don’t belong. They’ll restrain me and call me a monster. They’ll tell me I deserve to die.

And Levi will see all of it.

He’ll side with them and it will break me.

I’ll lose control, and when I wake up, the blood of more than just a few people will be on my hands.

As we reach the double doors I close my eyes and hope for it to be over soon.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi does have a fear of the Dark. Poor chibi. It stems from his past. can you tell I love calling him a chibi? I bet you can. Also, adding onto the list of Eren's inhuman traits! I'd like to know if you all like the P.O.V change? I was thinking of switching them like this every so often just to keep the plot lively. Please let me know what you think of it!


	7. Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin had never heard it speak before, aside from its obnoxious screaming every night.  
> Its voice was dripping with the purest form of hatred and malice he'd ever heard, and quite frankly that bothered him more than he wanted it to.  
> "Feel my pain," it said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the first time I wrote this chapter out I forgot to save it and it got deleted and I moped around for like 2 weeks because I couldn't remember what I wrote. Then I tried again and half of the chapter got deleted this time, and I got so discouraged I didn't even wanna continue. but then I was like "it must be done" so I got off my lazy ass and remembered to save like every five minutes. I tired to give you guys a longer chapter this time for the wait... I know how it feels when you like a story but they never update, so I apologize for my disorganization! as you an see the tags have also changed, so beware. there is no attempted sexual assault in this chapter, however it will come up in a later chapter, so I put it up now to warn you.  
> If you don't hate me and want to find me on tumblr, it's Dontyoudareheichoume.tumblr.com  
> now let's get this train rolling!
> 
> ~Taffy~

Loss of light was a loss of control.

Control was the only way I could possibly run my life. Without it, I can’t function. Not knowing, not being able to assess my surroundings, losing one of my five senses, it very frankly scares the living shit out of me.

I am afraid of the dark.

How very petty of me.

I noticed it when I was little, the way I would lay in my bed after a long day of dealing with overly eager cousins, and disgusting adults who breathed lies like the air around us.

I would follow the same routine every night after eating dinner.

I would go upstairs to my room and shower, washing away the grime of the day in water the temperature of the Arctic. Then I would turn the temperature up to hell and wash away anything that thought it could continue to cling to me. I would brush my teeth and dress in my pajamas, work on schoolwork afterwards, hop in bed and count off all the objects in my room.

Then I would turn off my lamp and count them again.

And again.

 _And again_.

The shadows would move and bend in the absence of light, and they would stretch themselves into an extra item in my room.

Something extra that _shouldn’t_ be there.

I would count and recount and there would always be something extra in the corner of the room where it shouldn’t be.

Then I would sit up in a panic, clicking on my lamp to bring order back to my life.

It wasn’t that I was afraid of what I thought it could possibly be, but because _I didn’t know_ what it was.

 

When the stairwell door shut on me I panicked. The fact that the light was gone so quickly took my mind off the fact that Eren’s eyes were glowing faintly in the dark.

But that was probably just me being stupid.

I hadn’t been able to count the number of objects in the room, so there was no fucking telling how many things were on this floor that _should not_ be here.

I tried to wrench my hand free from his grip, but he pulled me away from my salvation with more strength than I expected him to have.

I wanted to panic. I wanted to scream at this idiot kid who dragged me into the unknown with his cryptic words and cold attitude. Everything about him irritated me.

I’m not scared of many things, but this? Fucking hell, I felt like I was going to piss myself.

He asked me if I was afraid of the dark.

I am.

Very much so.

I could feel the darkness shifting around me

It was filthy.

He teased me like I was some sort of kid. He teased me like I was some new kid on the playground who didn’t know what the fuck he was doing in the sandbox. He talked down to me the way the adults did when I was a kid.

I wanted to punch him.

When I told him that he wasn’t even remotely funny, he stopped and turned to me. I don’t know how in hell bellow, but I could feel his gaze on me in the dark. He was looking at me with those…

_Eyes._

They gave off a faint blue glow, and in this moment, effectively trumped every single ‘What The Fuck’ moment I’d ever experienced in my life.

“This isn’t the dark. I’ve been in the dark.” is what he says to me.

What could this brat possibly mean? This disgusting blanket of nothingness was about as dark as darkness could get. When he started walking again, I tried to process what I just saw. Maybe there was some sort of gas leak in here and I was seeing things, or maybe it was the coffee I _didn’t_ get to drink this morning. The milk in the fridge still had a good two weeks before it went bad right? …Or was it one?

Was I getting old?

Well, I’m only 32.

I was never very good at starting up conversations, so I opted to just go with a plain old,

“Hey, Eren.” Real good Levi. Just keep going.

“What?” his tone was short and slightly irritated.

“I don’t know if it’s just me getting old, but…” Shit, what do I even say?

“But what?” He stopped and turned back to me.

Fuck what do I even _say_ how am I supposed to _respond_ -

I shook my head with wide eyes.

Glowing. Fucking glowing yes they were shit Levi you _really_ should have read the fucking date on that milk this morning-

“Nothing. I’m just stupid.” Just ignore me brat. Keep walking please keep walking-

“Whatever.”

He turned his eerie eyes away from me and continued to walk.

Awkwardness avoided.

Sort of.

 

As we continued to walk I came up with a shitty conclusion to his freaky looking (but also kind of cool in a piss-your-pants-in-fear kind of way) eyes.

Night vision. It was totally night vision.

Like maybe…Glow in the dark contacts or something? Because there was no way that kid had eyes glowing in the dark _naturally_ or anything.

Society these days with their weird technology.

My thoughts were interrupted when we’d stopped moving.

I tried to make a (sort of) joke about him not really being able to see a damn thing, only mostly to keep my pride intact, but he just brushed it off with a simple “No.”

We turn left.

We walk in silence.

In the darkness, my senses are heightened without one of my five senses, so every sound that comes to me is loud over the sound of blood rushing through my ears and it makes me anxious. Normally I’d start clicking my tongue about now, but I feel like it might annoy Eren. Not that he wasn’t already annoyed in the first place, but still.

I have to say something or I think it might actually kill me. What a shitty way to die.

“What is it with you and turning left?” last time we’d turned left, it was because he’d vehemently argued me down as if turning right would get us slaughtered or something.

“The sign said so this time.”

Sign? I’m totally betting my tea cabinet on night vision contacts.

I had some damn fine tea in there.

“Last time I already told you, I’d been down that hall before and right was the way I’d come running from.”

Gotta keep talking.

“Why were you running?” That’s something I really wanted to know.

“Why were _you_ running?”

Well damn, I didn’t expect a smartass.

“Fuck you.”

“Likewise, Levi.”

The way he said my name made it seem like he was far away. That’s not what I wanted. I needed him to sound here with me to keep up some sort of conversation or the shadows would cling to me like filth and swallow me whole.

“Where were you at before you started running?” I began again. That’s another thing I’d love to know. Maybe he left his shoes there.

Idiot.

“Where were _you_?”

No.

We are not fucking doing this.

“Stop answering my questions with more fucking questions.”

I refuse to do this.

“Stop asking questions that allow me to answer with more questions then.”

If I strangle him I won’t have anyone else to talk to if I strangle him I’ll really be lost and have no one else to talk to-

“Fuck you,” I spat.

“You already said that.”

Maybe I can plead guilty by fault of insanity?

 

When I realized I’d run out of ways to initiate conversation, I sucked it up and let the now comfortable silence stretch out over us. I was mostly focused on how warm his hand was in mine. Warm, but somehow sill very fragile. As if it hadn’t been held in years.

Wow. Well that was stupid and sort of deep of me to think.

When we got to the hallway with light at the end, there it was, there was the thing I needed: light, control, and knowledge that every thing in the room was exactly where it needed to be. It was teasing me. Beckoning to me. Calling to me.

I lunged for the light like a savage.

~~

Erwin let out a pained grunt as he came to, blinking a few times to rid himself of his blurring vision, and the sharp throbbing in his head made itself known. More pain came soon after, as thousands of shards of shattered glass dug into his chest and the right side of his face. Sitting up, he surveyed the room, and what was left of the people in it. The bodies of his co-workers and friends littered the ground, and blood was splattered everywhere. The emergency lights were flashing an angry green and the alarm was squealing, adding to the pain in his head.

Sitting up slowly, he carefully brushed the shards of glass off of him and picked out the ones that had imbedded themselves in his skin. He ignored the thin river of crimson trickling slowly down the side of his face in favor of taking in and analyzing the current situation. This was the worst power fit 9 had had since being transported here to the facility 7 years ago.

The last one was only a little over 2 years ago, when it awoke screaming as it usually did, broke lose during sleeping hours and brutally killed and mutilated 2 nurses, a guard and one physician in a fit of extreme instability before it was restrained and put back where it belonged. The door it had broken through was reinforced and its chains were thickened. Erwin wasn't sure if one of the attendants had set it off or if it was the testing they’d done earlier that day.

Well, cutting off its left arm and left leg couldn’t have made it _that_ mad right?

They just grew back anyways.

Maybe it was unhappy with its life. But aren't most animals content with what they had? Content with what was given to them? So what exactly was the problem? Was it not satisfied with what it had? How greedy. It's only place in this world was as an animal. A monster. A weapon to be used for the gain of humankind. Erwin didn’t take this project on just to have some filthy animal ruin it with a temper tantrum.

Though right now, there were more pressing matters at hand than the power fit 2 years ago. This power fit was much, much worse. They’d been able to seal the ward in an emergency lock down and the guards on the lower levels would usher any civilians off to the designated Safe Rooms. As for the patients in their rooms?

Well, that wasn’t really his jurisdiction or his current priority.

Right now…

Erwin was furious.

Why?

Because of 9.

That _thing_ had let him live.

After mercilessly slaughtering everyone in the room, it had turned its gaze on him after brushing the blood off of its clothing. Quite literally, on contact with its skin, the blood of Erwin’s coworkers began to steam and vanish from its pants and shirt. Looking into the face of a true monster, Erwin could read its freakish  eyes.

 _'I could kill you,'_ they said. _‘But a quick death for you won’t satisfy me.'_

They mocked him.

He had been at the complete mercy at a mere creature half his size. Not a human on equal grounds with him, But a worthless waste of life used for testing. How revolting. It only even wore clothing because the staff had been uncomfortable constantly seeing it naked, which in his opinion, was highly unprofessional.

Erwin had never heard it speak before, aside from its obnoxious screaming every night. Its voice was dripping with the purest form of hatred and malice he'd ever heard, and quite frankly that bothered him more than he wanted it to.

"Feel my pain," it said.

If Erwin cared enough to admit it, its voice sounded almost like a human boy.

A flash of yellow, searing pain in his temple, and then darkness.

Standing up now, he leaned over the destroyed control panel and looked into the room below that had housed patient number 9 for the past 7 years.

Empty. Completely empty and devoid of his precious project. Taking out his phone, he dialed a number.

She picked up on the third ring.

"Erwin! Where's Eren!? I heard the alert and assumed it was him-”

“Professor Zoe-”

“Is he alright? He got free didn't he? I'm currently with a patient and-"

"Zoe. Come down here now."

"But I-"

"Now, Hanji. It killed everyone."

There was a tense silence that lasted a few seconds before she answered.

"I...I'm on my way."

With a sigh he ended the call. A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

"A man without a heart cannot feel pain.”

 

\-----

 

The end of the hall was edging closer. This had to be the longest hallway I'd ever been down.

The faint light coming from under the door was becoming brighter. It felt like I couldn't run fast enough and I didn't register anything but the feel of Eren's warm hand in mine as I tugged him down the hallway towards the one thing I needed to stay sane.

Light.

We reached the end of the hallway, and I yanked open the doors to my salvation. I pulled Eren inside and shut he door against the darkness. I let out a sigh as I slid down the door to rest on the tiled floor with a huff.

Light.

Fluorescent.

I could see.

I took the time to begin counting everything in the room, starting with each individual tile on the floor.

"More people?"

In felt the tense brat beside me release a pained breath. I ignored it and looked up at the occupants of the room. There were 5 total.

First, my eyes found a small girl with shoulder length blonde hair, big blue eyes and a kind face sitting at one of the cafeteria tables with a deck of cards.Then the boy sitting across from her, with short black hair and fringe that hung just above his warm brown eyes. A small spatter of freckles dusted his face. Next to him was a kid with a long face, sharp hazel eyes and blonde…and brown hair? His haircut was fucking ridiculous, and his arrogant face reminded me of a horse.

How horrifyingly unattractive.

Both he and the freckled boy wore security suits. Another small blonde sat beside the horse man, pale blonde hair in a bun, who only just now fixed her icy eyes on me with an infinitely bored expression on her face. then she turned her eyes on Eren, which made me feel a little irritated.

Because I knew, contacts or not, that his eyes were gorgeous.

Across from her was a boy with a ridiculous buzz cut and big brown eyes. When he spoke, it was determined that he had also been the one to speak first when we entered the room.

"Uh...we just started some Go Fish if you guys want to play?"

…I prefer Uno but whatever.

I felt the kid beside me relax only slightly. I thought this was supposed to be the fucking Safe Room, not a cafeteria. Eren must have really been lying when he said he could see. He didn't even get us to the right place.

Maybe those night vision contacts were a rip off and non-refundable.

…Well I hope they were non-refundable, since _he put them on his eyes_.

Maybe his eye color was a lie too? I hope not. It’s such a nice color.

I looked over at him. The kid looked constipated. His eyes darted all over the place, hands fidgeting.

"Who the hell plays Go Fish in the cafeteria of a mental ward on lockdown?"

"There's nothing else we really can do. When the alarm went off, we were in charge of sweeping the floor for left over people," the freckled one said, gesturing to himself and the horse. “People who couldn't make it to the Safe Room were to come to the cafeteria with us. Sorry if we missed you." He said sheepishly.

"So what, we're supposed to sit on our asses playing Go Fish until the lock is lifted?" That came out a little harsher than I expected.

The horse leans over his friend and whinnies in irritation.

"That's what he just told you, genius."

I put a finger to my temple and sigh. 'No Levi,' I think to myself. 'You can't strangle him.' In my mind, the reasons why I should strangle him far out numbered the reasons why I shouldn't, but if I tried hard enough, for 2.5 seconds I could pretend that he would probably be missed if he died.

There were also too many witnesses.

"Thanks for enlightening me."

Shitty kids.

I’m suddenly aware that I’m still holding Eren’s hand and release it. I stand, looking over at the brat beside me, and cautiously take a few steps forward. He follows behind me like a lost puppy, nervous and fidgety. What, is he shy or something? What happened to the cold asshole I knew a few minutes ago?

We were like...twins then. Twin...assholes.

Fuck. That sounded wrong.

Good job Levi.

I notice how everyone‘s eyes zero in on his bare feet, but no one says a word.

Even the equine holds his tongue.

His personality did some sort of 180 on me again, and while he didn't make any direct physical contact, he might as well be my shadow. I sit down next to the buzz cut boy and as expected, Eren sits down quietly beside me, a bit closer than I'd like.

"I guess we should get introductions over with," says the girl with the big blue eyes.

"My name is Krista," she smiles at us.

"Connie." The boy with the buzz cut announces.

"Marco." The freckled boy sends a small smile our way.

"Jean. It's French." The horse neighs quite proudly. It annoys me. As if I needed to know his name was French. I mean really, I don’t give two shits. Hell, I don’t even give one shit.

The girl with the bun in her hair blows her bangs out of the way and speaks in a low voice.

"Annie."

They turn to look at me and I sigh.

"Levi."

Everyone turns to look at Eren. He doesn't speak. He looks over at me with pleading eyes and shit, my heart did a fluttery thingy. I’m not sure I like it.

"This is Eren. He doesn't talk much." Eren gives me a thankful look and scoots a little closer to me. I'm not sure how to feel.

Jean doesn't look satisfied. But I decide I don't care if he isn't satisfied. He better keep that muzzle of his shut-

"Why? Is there something wrong with him?" The horse neighs.

I realize that for a guard at a mental ward, that was incredibly insensitive of him to say. And I thought I was an asshole. Eren is tense beside me. I'm not really sure if I should do anything to calm him, so I opt to just speak up.

"I said he doesn't talk much. That's all the information you need to know."

Jean snorts, and Marco hits him on he shoulder.

Krista speaks up, with a wavering voice. "It's fine if you don't want to talk, Eren."

Out of the corner of my eye, I see that Annie staring at Eren with a blank expression.

Or more specifically, his eyes.

I don’t like it. In fact, I hate it.

So being the idiot I am, I wrap my arm around the waist of this still complete stranger of a teenager and pull him flush against my side. He tenses for a moment before relaxing and I’m not sure what I’ve just done here. I’m not sure if I like it.

And from the looks of everyone at the table, I think they might've thought...that that him and I were...

Shit. Bad move. I should withdraw my hand but Eren seems so comfortable and my hand feels right at home around his waist and...

His body is warm.

Eren tries his hardest to ignore her, and gives Krista what I think was supposed to be a smile.

But that's just the thing.

My heart stops, because suddenly I know a lot more about Eren than I did three seconds ago.

That was the expression of a kid who had forgotten how to smile.

Oh, how familiar it was to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for those of you who happen to like Erwin! It's kind of sad how he always is antagonized in a lot of Ereri fics, but don't worry, compared to Grisha, he's a saint.  
> Levi's character is a bit difficult for me to write since I think a lot more like Eren, but I wanted you to see Eren from an outsider's perspective. Because I love writing Eren, his Pov might sound better than when I do Levi. Do you guys think I write Levi well?  
> I had to have possessive Levi. That wasn't an option.


	8. Useless Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like...a new package of soap, with its sharp edges and perfectly carved logos on a single side. I tried to imagine what it would be like bathing in a real tub, with hot water and expensive soap with crisp edges and perfect logos, that smelled as good as this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Sneaks in after months*  
> I promise I wasn't dead or anything, Just horribly lacking in inspiration. THEN IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS I magically thought up what I wanted to do up to chapter 12 which made me happy. It broke my heart when I got messages pleading for me not to abandon this fic. I didn't respond to your comments because the only way to respond would be to respond with a new and longer chapter! I also left a little surprise on my note at the end, so please be sure to read it and enjoy this!
> 
> ~Taffy~

 

Everything was too much.

The light is too bright upon my dark world, too evasive, too revealing. The people around me are too foreign, too happy. Their proximity, much too close.

Too close…too close too _close_. Levi is too close. Too comfortable. His hand is around my waist. I can feel his long, thin fingers chilling me through the worn fabric of my shirt. They freeze my skin on contact, and I sense each individual goose bump as it appears upon my body.There’s a hidden part of me that detests the touch of another living being. Touches aren’t supposed to soothe me or chill my skin. The touch of a human is death. They are fingers that burn me, and eyes that prod me, pierce me, fear me. They are smiles with malicious intent, and lips that spew lies like the air I breathe.

Humans are not kind.

The smile that carved itself onto my face hurt. My cheeks protested, preferring to rest in the downwards position. I dropped it like lead as soon as I deemed it okay to do so. Krista looked at me, and then Levi. Was the smile too much? Did I overexert myself for nothing? I turned my face to the raven currently sapping the heat from my body, silently questioning him. They were staring at us. At me. Their eyes were piercing through me all over again. I had to calm down. The room was getting hot. Too hot, too fast.

“Are we really that interesting to look at?” Levi’s voice cut through the silence.

Marco, Connie, and Krista stuttered out a brief and useless apology at that, while Annie shrugged and Jean scoffed.

“Just wondering how the hell a kid like him,” He pointed to me and I tensed. “snagged a rude midget like you.” I furrowed my brow in confusion.

Snag? What did he mean by snag? His expression put me on edge, and I eyed his attire with a wary eye, as I’d been doing since we’d gotten here. A guard. I'd have to keep a close watch over him and the freckled boy.

I looked up at Levi with confusion on my face, not wanting to speak. He sighed.

"Are you done yet?" He didn't look too terribly concerned, so I relaxed a bit. Marco cut Jean off before he could retort.

"Please excuse him, what he meant to say, was that you two look a little... how should I put this?” He paused, looking a bit uncomfortable. “Odd. Are you two..?"

This was confusing. Us two? Odd? Odd as in suspicious? Me? Am I odd? Should I be worried? I hadn’t given anything away had I? I watched Levi's expression turn sour.

I held my breath. Maybe I’d given myself away. Am I going to have to...?

_Kill again? Maybe. But that isn’t a bad thing._

I pushed away the nagging voice in the back of my head.

"Would it bother you if we were?" Levi spoke again, sounding a little irked.

Were what? What were they talking about?

Everyone was looking at me again. This was getting on my nerves now. We? What did he mean we? We as in him and I? What were we?

"I think the twerp should just tell us himself." It was under his breath, mumbled in a way I wasn't supposed to hear.

But I heard.  

These people were disgusting, just as all humans were. But I wasn't hurt. His petty words bounced off of me like a rubber ball against concrete.

I’ve had far worse said, screamed, and spat into my face. I’d become numb to it. Numb to the words, and numb to the pointlessness of the art of insulting. Why throw words at someone who is already considered lower than an animal? You can’t possibly hurt them anymore than you can physically. My captors knew this, but that didn’t stop them, even when they realized their words didn’t affect me. This man in front of me wasn’t even worth a second glance.

So instead of voicing my indifference at his remark, I pressed myself closer to Levi’s side and buried my face into the crook of his neck, so I wouldn't have to watch their deceitful faces, or look into the two-way mirrors that were their eyes, and watch from both sides as they exhaled mendacities into my face.

 A scent I couldn’t quite place, but found myself inexplicably drawn to made me rethink my decision, because he smelled really good. Like...a new package of soap, with its sharp edges and perfectly carved logos on a single side. I tried to imagine what it would be like bathing in a real tub, with hot water and expensive soap with crisp edges and perfect logos, that smelled as good as this. My hands clutched at his now wrinkled shirt as I tried to replace the eyes on me with ecru porcelain, and warm foamy water that smelled like the man I was clinging to.

When Levi spoke again, he sounded angry, but the gentle fingers rubbing circles on my sharp hipbone contradicted that.

"You're making the brat uncomfortable, staring at him like that. He isn't a goddamn animal in a zoo. Have some fucking courtesy."

Not...an animal?

_Monster._

_Thing._

_Beast._

"And you," I knew his stare had fixed itself on Jean by the way the officer's heart rate sped up."This kid has done nothing to you. Do you want someone to walk in here and treat you like the shit beneath their shoes? Because I can do that perfectly. In fact, I’ve been dying to take your ego down a hundred pegs."

Jean was silent.

"The only reason I haven't broken your horse snout yet is because of the fact that blood is disgusting, and your neighs of pain would give me a migraine.”

I inhaled, trying to engrave the scent into my memory. I can’t see anything, but I hear the steady beat of Levi’s heart as he verbally assaults the strange guard. This thing he's doing...defending me... doesn’t make sense. I want to ask Levi why he's doing it, but I don’t want any of those strangers to hear me utter a single word. If the beasts that tortured me for the last 10 years didn’t get a single syllable, nothing made these guys special either.

Though I guess I have to say that Levi is the exception. I don’t know how, and I don’t know why.

_“O-oh um…I-I’m s-sorry I-”_

I’d acted like a five year old. And I’d even apologized, when I knew that such a thing was a useless thing to do when something as outlandish and ridiculous as forgiveness didn’t exist in the first place.

"Now wait just a second-" Jean made to protest at the promise of violence, but Levi cut his pathetic protest off, with a word I believed was useless, said with an intensity that confused me.

"Apologize."

Since I'd been confined here, I was labeled as everything but human. I was a creature that didn't have a name, only a number. I was a beast that couldn't feel pain, an animal without feelings. Because I wasn't human.

The words are strikingly familiar. I can't pin a person or a time at which I’d heard them use those words, but when the strange déjà vu is replaced with a feeling of warmth and security, I decide that it doesn’t really matter.

_“That blanket of security will be ripped away from you when he finds out.”_ A small part of me hisses.

It's been years since I've had such affectionate physical contact with another living being.

"I'm sorry Eren!" Krista spoke up. "We didn't mean so make you uncomfortable."

"Yeah man, sorry. I guess we were a little rude huh?" Connie chimed in.

Annie said nothing.

Why were they apologizing? What was it with humans and apologies?

_“I’m sorry, but you know she was sick.”_

_“I know.”_

Apologies.

_“I’m sorry, Eren, but this isn’t your home anymore.”_

_“Why?”_

Apologies are completely and utterly...

_“Eren, please, I’m sorry, just a few more shots and it’s over.”_

_“But it hurts!”_

Worthless.

_“Eren…I’m so sorry…”_

_“I know, dad.”_

And forgiveness?

_“Forgive me, Eren, I couldn’t save you… forgive me…”_

_“It’s alright, Corporal.”_

Forgiveness doesn’t exist.

"Sorry to both of you, that was inconsiderate." Marco said. I was snapped out of my daze of jumbled memories when I heard the sound of flesh connecting with flesh, and a pained grunt.

"I uh...guess I crossed a line there.” Another hit, and a grunt.

“Damnit Macro that hurt! Sorry, I shouldn't have done that, especially considering the fact that I uh..."

I slowly sat up, turning my head to lock eyes with him.

Apologies were worthless. Forgiveness didn’t exist.

Everyone let out a small gasp. At what, I had no clue. Jean suddenly wilted, letting out a heavy sigh. His next words weren’t filled with arrogance, anger, or frustration. Just resignation. Good. He finally realized that I wasn’t bothered or concerned whatsoever.

"Considering the people I have to handle on a daily basis, it was rude, and I apologize.”

Guess I was wrong when I said he realized I didn’t care, but If he expected me to say something in response, he’d have to wait in line with the rest of the idiots who thought I would actually waste my time and energy speaking to.

I looked at him.

He looked at me.

Unused to holding eye contact with someone for so long, I reverted back to something I normally do when people scrutinize me. I looked through him, at the tables near the far wall of the cafeteria.

His face sort of partially blended into the background now that I’d opted to ignore his existence, so I only partially registered him waving his large hand in front of my own face. He smelled unpleasantly of cheap cologne and sweat. One of my captors, one of those lab coat wearing idiots that loved to poke me with needles, wears something similar, but the smell is much worse.

He's dead now though. What a relief.

Nevertheless, I wrinkled my nose, because the cheap smell temporarily clouds the simple scent of soap coming from Levi. But I did come to my senses when I saw Levi grimace and smack the offending appendage away from me.

I blinked.

“Get that filthy thing away from his face, and stop wasting your meager paycheck on that Axe shit they try to pass off as cologne.”

Axe? Who names a cologne after a weapon used to chop and decapitate things?

“Ow! Hey! I was just trying to see if he heard me. He like…zoned out. And it’s the new one…Marco said it was fine.”

“Marco was either lying or only four of his five senses work properly.”

Marco looked a little pale.

I was suddenly keenly aware of the fact that I was practically on Levi’s lap. I hardly knew this man, and he knew next to nothing about me. Why hadn’t I reacted to him yet?

Why hadn’t I broken the fingers idly tracing patterns on my waist? Ripped into the warm, and pleasantly scented neck I’d buried my face into and used as a shield against the watching eyes of strangers? Why wasn’t I tense? Why wasn’t I fearful? Why had I clung to him? Why am I clinging to him?

Something in the back of my mind told me that he wasn’t a threat.

_Not a threat._

The same went for everyone else in the room. I felt uneasy, but not once had I felt the need to hurt anyone. Not yet.

Warm, safe, harmless.

For as long as I could, I would revel in this comfort.

_Not a threat._

I shifted, sliding all the way onto Levi’s lap. I’d take advantage of this comfort for as long as I could. I would savor it.

Because I knew.

I knew they would find me.

Erwin would find me. _He_ would find me.

They’d find me and lock me up somewhere worse than my previous prison. Somewhere too dark for even the dim light of an old lamp to permeate. Somewhere that didn’t smell of expensive soap with its sharp edges and neat logos. A place that didn’t have comforting hands or familiar eyes.

Just darkness.

In the cafeteria, with all those foreign eyes and ears and heartbeats surrounding me, I curled up against Levi’s chest and tuned out the noise with the beating of his heart.

I felt the rhythm stutter and speed up a little, but I didn’t care. He could be nervous or fearful of me, but at that moment, I couldn’t care less. He wasn’t tearing down the walls I’d built and strengthened over the years. No. I was stronger than that. I was just taking advantage of the bliss of real, true human interaction before I was thrown back into the depths of my own dark hell, and the key to my freedom was dissolved into powder and carried away with the breaths of my oppressors.

Softly, in a volume only I could hear, I whispered three words, two of which I never thought I’d ever use.

“Thank you, Levi.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a treat to my readers, chapter 9 will be a very special chapter, since it matches my title! Eren's backstory! I'd like to keep in mind that while Armin will be in this fic, he was not part of Eren's childhood, and the two haven't met. (yet.) So when you're all wondering where our cute little shota is, you'll know. I'm actually very anxious to see your reactions to my reconstruction of Armin's personality. (hint: once I introduce him, I'm going to have to bump the rating up to explicit and change the tags.)  
> For anyone who might think that Eren is warming up to Levi too fast, Trust me, There's a reason behind his odd personality change. It is actually a question I am willing to answer for anyone who wants to know why, since the reason won't be directly revealed in the fic.  
> Levi might seem a little out of character compared to the way he was last chapter or even in chapter 1, but that ties in with Eren's personality change. Ask, and I shall answer!


	9. Patient #0009: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He would stare out at the water for hours on end, digging his tiny feet into the shifting sand and letting the warm sun tan his face. The boy welcomed the salty sea winds with outstretched arms and a smile, and felt a rush of exhilaration wash over him every time the chilled water rushed around his ankles and splashed against his thighs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Comes up through the floor*   
> PATENT NINE CHAPTER NINE OMG  
> Here we are again! As you probably noticed, it says Part one! Whaaat? Taffy no!  
> ...Taffy yes.  
> I felt the need to break this down into three parts, the happy-ish part, and then the other two parts where shit hits the fan...like...a lot. Aaaannyways, enough rambling! Hop aboard the feel train everyone!
> 
> ~Taffy~

“Eren…”

The name was uttered in a choked whisper, barely audible as it slipped from her parted lips and allowed itself to be swallowed whole by the darkness of the small room.

A shuddering breath.

“Live on….you have to…”

The brunette shifted in her slumber, heated tears carving damp and salty tracks down her flushed cheeks. She trembled, letting out a strained cry, and a tan hand disturbed the cocoon of covers surrounding her, reaching out into the darkness for something, someone.

“Don’t go…”

Then, she was thrashing around in a panic, smacking the pillows off of the bed and kicking the blankets to the floor. Wild chocolate locks whipped about her head like the waves of the ocean in a violent storm, and frantic hands grasped fruitlessly at her waist. Hands became fists, and cries became screams.

“No! No! Let me go! Stop, _Stop_!”

The door to her room was thrown open, and a small boy ran into the darkness, making a beeline for the bed.

“Mom! Mom it’s just a dream! It’s just a dream!”

The boy climbed up onto the mattress and dodged her flailing limbs, putting his arms around her head and pulling her to his small chest. Her panicked hands latched onto him, and her blunt nails stung his sides.

“I can’t move I’m going to die I’m going to die I’m going to _die_ -” her screams were cut short when he pried one of her hands off of his side and intertwined their fingers. Eyes the color of honey snapped open, pupils shrunken in fear.

“I’m here. It’s Eren. I’m here. You’re alive.” The tired child pressed a small kiss to the top of her head.

“Eren, I’m alive. You’re alive…” Carla whispered, relaxing her hold on the boy, and listening to his steady heartbeat as he squeezed her hand. She wiggled her toes and flexed her legs.

Not broken.

She shifted her neck a little, and twitched her fingers.

Her spine was fine.

She listened to the sound of two breathing beings in the room, herself, and her son.

He was alive. She was alive. They were alive.

They were safe.

She pulled away from the grip of her cherished child, and smiled softly as the tired face of her worried boy looked back at her. He didn’t remember, and she hoped it would stay that way.

“I’m sorry Eren, I was having that dream again.” She sighed, wiping away her tears and giving him a soft look.

“You always have that dream. I’m not dying any time soon mom, and neither are you. Your screaming makes me feel sad.”

Carla’s smile fell.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

It was like this every night.

She knew he didn’t remember, but she did notice the things that lingered. She wanted to scream when he looked at her and began to cry, whimpering that he didn’t know why he was so sad, and so happy at the same time. She wanted to curse the heavens and set the world aflame when he set the table for three, though Grisha was rarely home, insisted the red scarf in the back of his closet wasn’t his, or became angry when any mention of the military was made. He could feel it. She could see it.

She wanted to cry as her son returned the pillows to the bed, and guided her head down onto them to rest. She wanted to cry so very badly, when he curled up beside her and draped the blankets over them, telling her that the next dream would be a pleasant one, and that if it wasn’t, he would be there to chase it away. Because the mature boy in her arms was only 4 years old, and his language and actions, his thoughts and his feelings, amounted to that of a 10 year old.

“Thank you, Eren.”

 

In the mornings, he’d leave just after breakfast to play outside in the backyard. He’d return mid-afternoon with scrapped knees, a brighter smile, and a head full of twigs and leaves that loved to cling to his tangled hair. Always just in time for lunch and laundry. He’d shake the forest from his head, wash up, and set the table for grilled cheese and pudding cups.

There were days when Eren got angry. Days when Carla did too. They’d scream at each other, break plates and slam doors, but not once, did Eren ever leave the house in a fit of rage. There wasn’t a single fight that didn’t end with a teary eyed boy sobbing into his mother’s shirt, apologizing and pleading for her not to let him blink. He would say, through his fit of tears and hiccups, that he had a pit of dread in his stomach.

Then, in a much softer voice, he would murmur that if he blinked once, turned away, or let go of her, even for a second, in that moment, everything would vanish, and no, he never meant those words he’d said and yes, he wanted her to stay with him forever. She couldn’t ever tell if he was apologizing for running off all those centuries ago, but she’d long forgiven him.

She would sing to him, calm him down with a song about soldiers who learned to fly, and the mismatched wings that helped them soar over their sorrows and into freedom.

Eren had mixed feelings about Grisha. He came home once a month, and once a month, and Carla witnessed him react a different way each time.

When Grisha first laid his hands on Eren, cradling him as a baby fresh out of the womb, the child had stopped crying to look up at him with a blank expression.

When Eren was two and talking like a 5 year old, he’d followed his father around, half walking, half crawling, asking him about a key, and a basement they didn’t have. When Carla, thoroughly shaken, attempted to explain to her son that their house didn’t have a basement, the boy looked up at her in confusion and asked her what a basement was.

When Eren was three, he refused to look Grisha in the eye for the entirety of the year. Not a hello, or even a goodbye.

Eren was 4 now, and last month he’d gone into a silent and unexplainable rage, and tried to stab the man in the throat with a steak knife in the middle of the night on his third night in the house. Carla had awoken from one of her less stressful dreams, to see her one and only son hovering over her sleeping husband with one of the steak knives she kept on hooks in the kitchen. She’d screamed, and Eren had snapped out of his daze, and dropped the weapon in shock as his target jolted awake.

Grisha never said anything, only watched.

Observed.

Took notes.

 

Eren couldn’t go to school.

He was too smart. Too far past the level he should have been in at the age of 4. She couldn’t enroll her 4 year old son in a 6th grade class. Carla was sure he’d be picked on, bullied, and questioned by teachers, if they’d even allowed a child his age to skip that many grades to begin with. Knowing Eren, he’d fight back and either hurt himself, or someone else. So she decided to stay on the safe side and homeschool him.

The one thing Eren enjoyed above all else, was taking trips to the beach.

The first time he laid eyes on the stunning sapphire waters, and the pale, sandy dunes, He cried. He cried and he cried, and Carla tried to calm him down, but he wouldn’t relent. The tears kept coming, and Eren said he didn’t know why he felt so happy and so distraught at the same time. People gave them those pitying looks as they walked by, some seeing a mother trying to quiet her snot-nosed-brat of a kid, and some seeing a mother trying to calm her upset child.

No one saw a child wiping the eyes of a soldier.

Carla saw.

She saw the 2,000 year old eyes of her past son, finally setting his sights on something he’d always wanted to see but never got the chance to.

She let him cry.

He would stare out at the water for hours on end, digging his tiny feet into the shifting sand and letting the warm sun tan his face. The boy welcomed the salty sea winds with outstretched arms and a smile, and felt a rush of exhilaration wash over him every time the chilled water rushed around his ankles and splashed against his thighs.

While the other children ran around in their colorful sunglasses and flip flops, building sand castles with plastic shovels and drowning their skin in sunscreen and bug spray, Eren ran up and down the shoreline with bare feet, exposed skin, and sandy hands. The smell of seawater clung to his soft and rapidly tanning skin, and the colors of the depths of the ocean reflected themselves in his big, bright eyes. He stuffed shells deep into the pockets of his swim trunks, made slimy seaweed into necklaces and hung them around his neck, and poked at beached jellyfish and accidentally stepped on sharks teeth. He couldn’t help but feel that he was missing something. Every time he stepped onto the hot sand. He felt free, but alone.

Eren hated cigarettes.

The way they stained the wet sand with grainy tar the color of ash, and the way they clouded the gentle smell of the salty water he loved so much. He was scolded once for snatching a lit cigarrette out of the mouth of an old man and yelling at him with a burning gaze and a loud voice,

“Stop that! I can’t smell the ocean!”

Carla apologized, and bought the angry man another pack of death, much to Eren’s dismay.

They went every other day to the beach, staying until officials shooed them off of the property. Carla used to say that the each freckle that appeared on the bridge of his nose after every few visits was the ocean’s way of giving him a part of itself. Eren would smile, and run down to the dunes the next morning to shout a thank you to the rolling waves.

 

A month after Eren turned 5, Mikasa came to them.

Or rather, came screaming and crying to their door in the middle of the night.

Eren was roused from his dreamless slumber by a loud thud. At first, as he sat up and yawned, his mind believed it might have been thunder, due to the downpour outside his window, but the repeated banging dashed that thought immediately. Thinking it was his mother having another violent nightmare, the boy grumpily sat up in bed and rubbed his cerulean eyes. The thudding became harsher and more insistent as he left his room and turned left, heading down the hallway to his mother’s sleeping quarters.

The hallway was quiet.

Which meant…

The thudding wasn’t coming from his mother’s room.

Narrowing his eyes, Eren went on the defensive, coming down the stairs quietly and rushing into the kitchen for one of the butcher knives in the drawer. His mom didn’t put them on hooks anymore.

Maybe it was a burglar?

But why would they bang on the front door if they were going to rob him? Looking at the clock above the sink, He internally sighed. It was 1 o’clock in the morning. He didn’t have the patience for this. The thudding was now accompanied by screaming and crying, only slightly audible over the harsh rain.

“Please! Please open the door!”

It sounded like a girl.

Eren furrowed his brows in slight concern and rushed to the door, knuckles turning white as he tightened his grip on the knife. He should have woken his mom, but he was right in front of the door now.

The words were clear now.

“Please! You’re the last house on this street! They’re going to kill me!”

That word spurred him into action.

Dropping the knife, he unlocked the door and yanked it open, ignoring the wind and rain that immediately assaulted him. He didn’t even take a moment to register the small girl as he grabbed a fistful of her soaking wet nightgown and pulled her into the house. Slamming the door shut, He locked each lock back and turned the deadbolt. Though he hadn’t done much, his heart was racing and his breathing was heavy. The adrenaline in his veins made him feel jittery.

His own breathing was ultimately drowned out by the heavy sobs of the girl next to him, shivering and hiccupping in her wet clothes. She seemed to be missing a slipper, as only one foot was adorned with a brown flat. Her white nightgown, soaked and translucent against her pale skin, was shredded at the edges, and the pink cardigan she’d seemingly thrown over everything was completely waterlogged, clinging to her form like a second skin. Her long black hair hung in a stringy, driping curtain around her face, hiding it from view as she struggled to sit up. He heard movement upstairs, and let out a small breath as he heard hurried footsteps coming down the hallway.

“Why did I hear the door slam just now? And what in the world is all this noise?”

Halfway through her sentence, Eren stopped listening.

Because the girl had turned to face him, with wide, red rimmed eyes, and graphite irises shining with yet another promised load of tears. A full scale barrage of feelings coursed through his mind at the speed of thought, racing around and around and around inside his poor sleep addled head as the adrenaline had begun to dissipate, until his body couldn’t take the shock of another familiar face with no name.

Carla was halfway down the stairs when Eren crumpled to the floor in an unconscious heap of limbs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was a bit iffy about suddenly switching to 3rd person, but I wanted to be able to show you what Carla was thinking as well as Eren. I love Carla, Even though we only saw a little bit of her before she-*coughs violently* anyways..yeah. Next chapter will detail a short life he lived with Mikasa, along with Eren's first few years at the facility, and the next one will show the later years, right up to the point of crashing into our favorite midget. I can't promise that I'll be able to update the next chapter before Christmas, or even before new- years, since this one will have so much stuff packed into it, but to soothe the wait, I might start writing up a collection of one-shots upon request in-between chapters. I don't ever want to let you guys go that long without an update from me ever again. ;~;


	10. Calm Before the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Looking down at the floor, I bit my lip. I didn’t have anyone outside waiting for me. The reason this place was locked up so tight, was because I, Eren Jaeger, broke free of my prison and tried to find the sunlight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sneaks in*  
> I have no words.  
> only that I've changed my plans around for what chapters I want to go where, so be wary.
> 
> ~Taffy~

 

They wanted to move? Change location? No way. There was no way I could possibly do it. I’d already had a close call on my way here. If I went out again, and walked in to the very place that was built to keep me out, I’m not quite sure who would make it out alive. Only that a good amount of the people in there would never see the light of day ever again. I looked around the nearly vacant cafeteria and grimaced at the eager faces. Jean fumbled with his radio, muttering something to the person on the other end and conversing with Marco every few seconds.

Everyone seemed ready to go but me. Even Levi, Out of the corner of my eye, looked ready to get up and walk out. Of course, things had to be difficult for someone like me. I’d come to expect this over the years, and that thought in itself was a very depressing one.

I let out a quiet sigh, tugging at Levi’s sleeve to get his attention. Even though I could, I wouldn’t speak aloud in front of these people. It was bad enough I’d spoken to the man next to me, and I wasn’t going to let the same thing happen with these people I was still fairly wary of. I shook my head at the raven, trying to get my message across. He tilted his head in slight confusion.

“What? Is there something wrong?”

I nodded.

“There is?”

I nodded again.

“What is it?”

I shook my head.

Levi sighed. “Eren, you can speak to me y’know. “

I shook my head and pointed to the other occupants in the room. The short one with her hair in a bun, Annie, I think, had turned her gaze towards me.

“What? Them? They won’t bother you. I already made sure of that.”

I shook my head again.

“C’mon Eren. We’ll be fine. We’ll actually be going to where we were supposed to be going in the first place. “

I shook my head even harder and made a show of scooting away from the door and him. Wrapping my arms protectively around myself, I turned my gaze towards the floor; refusing to look up even when Levi called my name again.

I didn’t want to speak. I wouldn’t speak. Not even to Levi. I told myself I wouldn’t talk to anyone. I told myself that everyone was the enemy, and that no one was to be trusted. No one was worthy of even a simple word from my mouth. I’d kept that promise for 10 years.

My inner thoughts were interrupted when Jean decided to speak up.

“Look, I don’t know what’s wrong with him, but this is interfering with my job. I’ve got to take everyone, including you.” I heard him walking towards me, and tensed, ready to leap at him and paint the tile with his blood.

 _“It would be so easy.”_ A part of me whispered.

His advancing footsteps halted when Levi spoke.

“Didn’t I already tell you to quit with your insensitive bullshit? Your whinnies of input aren’t needed.”

I didn’t acknowledge either of them. Maybe if I just ignored them, they’d all go away. Levi would leave me alone, and I could go back to rotting in my dark pit of hell. If they went away, then maybe I’d awake to find this to be a dream. A simple haunting dream. A dream of escaping and experiencing human interaction that didn’t involve harsh words and strange white lab coats.

Lady luck was never on my side to begin with, so it was a pointless thing to wish for.

Levi poked me again, and again.

“Eren. Hey. Look at me.”

I didn’t.

I heard a sigh.

“I know this lockdown sucks, and all we have to rely on are two lousy security guards, but you’ve gotta work with me here, kid. I don’t know what’s going on here anymore than you do. Hell, I barely even know you. But I do know that you’re a brat that can’t be left alone for more than 5 minutes without bulldozing people to the ground and running into doors.”

Levi paused, as if deciding whether or not to continue.

“Besides, if something happens to you, it’ll be my fault, since I’m the adult here and you’ve been following me around. The last thing I need is some ridiculous injury of yours on my conscience.”

If only he knew the true reason I’m refusing to go.

If only, if only.

Now what was I supposed to do? It’s obvious he doesn’t plan on leaving now, and I can’t speak to him, let alone tell him that the reason he’s in this mess is because I’m the one who escaped from that hell. If I go, who knows who could be in that safe room? Innocent people, guards who might turn me in, or worse.

_Erwin Smith._

The thought of that man standing in my presence made me nauseous. I wouldn’t be able to guarantee anyone’s safety if that man were there waiting for me.

“Eren.”

Would I wake up just like I had when I’d escaped? Surrounded by blood and dead bodies? This time, someone I know would be one of the lifeless faces upturned to the ceiling. Someone I didn’t resent. Someone who hadn’t locked me up and treated me like an animal.

Someone I didn’t want to die.

“Oi, Eren.”

I didn’t want Levi to die?

I want him to live, I know that much, but why-

“Eren!”

Levi’s shout snapped me out of my stormy thoughts. Lifting my head up, I looked into his narrowed eyes and took in his angular features as they contorted in irritation.

“I’m trying my hardest to be patient with you, and that’s really fucking hard when I have no patience to begin with.”

I blinked. He was angry, but I can’t go, there’s no way I can go.

“I don’t even know why I‘m pleading with you like some mushy teenager. I’m the adult here. We’re going.” Levi grabbed me by the arm and pulled me to my feet

I don't...

“I don’t want to!” I whispered frantically.

Levi paused. My eyes darted over to the group of warm bodies at the door. They were looking over at me, but it didn’t seem as though they’d heard me. I looked at Levi, silently trying to communicate my distress.

“You have to.”

I shook my head. I can’t.

“I…can’t.” I whispered again.

“Yes you can Eren. You can and you will, because frankly, I’m tired of this place. I want to go home, clean out my refrigerator and get some new tea. I saw a coupon in the mail yesterday for one of my morning favorites, and I don’t remember when it expires.” He huffed. “Also, I’m pretty sure you have someone at home waiting for you to get back, right?”

I was silent.

Looking down at the floor, I bit my lip. I didn’t have anyone outside waiting for me. The reason this place was locked up so tight, was because I, Eren Jaeger, broke free of my prison and tried to find the sunlight.

“Oi.”

I lifted my head up to meet concerned gunmetal grey.

“This probably doesn’t mean shit to you, but I’d like you to trust me.”

Do I trust him?

No.

But I nodded anyways.

“Are we done now?” I heard one of the guards speak up.

“Yeah yeah, we’re done, asshole.” He didn’t grab my hand or move any closer to me, and for that, I was silently thankful. I noticed Levi tense a little as Jean opened the door to the pitch black hallway, and relax when Marco pulled a flashlight out of his pocket. We made our way towards the group and I pushed the lingering thoughts of fear from my mind.

The hallway was long, and the silence was thick. Everyone seemed to be on pins and needles, and a part of me found the irony of the situation almost painful. Levi didn’t move more than arm’s length away from me, but I was too busy running dozens of worst case scenarios through my head to pay much attention to it.

Suddenly, my thoughts came to a screeching halt, and I felt a wave of bloodlust wash over me. I stopped, attempting to figure out what was going on. There wasn’t anything in these hallways but us…

Levi paused. “Eren?” He looked back to see why I’d stopped, yet all I could hear was the pounding of blood in my ears, all I could smell was the scent of antiseptic wipes and cheap soap, all I could taste was the electrified air around me, and all I could feel was the heat of another body down the hallway.

There was something coming at us. Something I didn’t like.

“Oi, Eren.” Levi tried again. “Why’d you stop? Eren? Oi!”

I was growling like a wild animal now, eyes locked on my target. I took off in a dead sprint, Levi shouting and running behind me, as my eyes locked on a small blonde boy with a smile on his face, in standard patient attire at the end of the hallway.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that Armin has been introduced, I'll be changing the tags after This chapter has been posted. Please read them before reading the next chapter to avoid anything unpleasant.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooooo, do you like it? This is my fist fic and I'm so excited to be writing this. I hope you enjoy!!!!  
> ~Taffy~


End file.
